A Vampire's Guide To The Universe
by typeos
Summary: After the loss of her mother, Caroline decides to go on a road trip to distract herself from the temptation of turning her humanity off. While she figured a road trip would be fun she didn't expect it to be completely out of this world.
1. Chapter 1

She's in Italy taking a break from what seemed like a non stop partying spree. She's in the mood for something relaxing and doesn't want to deal with people, something rare because Caroline is definitely a people person. Exploring the ruins of an abandoned town in the mountains is definitely what she needs at the moment though.

Caroline bends down to examine the foundations of a long destroyed building. The village is quiet, which is something to be expected from a supposedly haunted village and isn't it strange how in an effort to run from her own ghosts she's in search of new ones?

She picks up an old spoon in the rubble and brings it closer to the light when she hears it. Two heart beats,unusually loud and clear in the otherwise dead silence .Weird, she usually had to be close enough to see them to be able to hear their hearts. Maybe the extremely uneasy silence makes it easier for her vamp senses to…well sense things. Thank God she wasn't hungry.

Strange considering the mountain wasn't exactly accessible. Two wannabe ghost hunters perhaps? She vamps speeds as quietly as she can to the noise.

She stops at what might have been the center of the town. Peeking from behind a nearly dilapidated wall she sees a woman.

She's no more than a girl really,probably no older than her. blonde like Caroline's own hair. She's dressed in a militaristic looking T shirt and pants combo. She seems to be looking for something.

She starts when she realizes both heart beats are coming from the girl.

"What the hell." She can't help but blurt it out and that might have been a mistake because the girl faces towards her in military precision with both fists raised.

Caroline is pretty confident she can take this girl down with her vampire strength. She won't though because this trip was about distracting herself from the temptation of turning her humanity off and you know, not hurting anyone.

Also she has two frickin hearts. Either the girl had an unfortunate heart defect or this was some supernatural mumbo jumbo. Considering where they were it was probably the latter.

"Who's there?" The girl's tone is friendly enough, contradicting her fighting stance. Caroline steps out of her hiding place with her arms raised because she really doesn't want to have to fight.

"Woah there soldier," She says, trying to match her friendly tone. "Just another tourist taking in the sights."

The other girl doesn't change her stance but she is smiling. Huh.

"How did you manage to get all the way here on you're own?" The other blond asks and oh she has an accent and not just accent. It was the same accent the bane of her existence but also cute original hybrid had.

"How did you?" Caroline retorts because hey she's the vampire in the conversation thank you very much. "Also you can drop the fighting stance because I'm not gonna beat you up or anything. "

"Sorry, its an instinct." The mystery girl relaxes and smiles apologetically at her. " I walked. I also climbed. Well I walked from where my ship crashed, climbed the side of the mountain and walked to this village. It was all very excited really. I do love the exercise. "

Caroline blinks. The girl is smiling at her and she didn't even look a little out of breath.

"Your…ship?" She didn't mean ship as in a boat did she? There weren't any nearby bodies of water. Maybe she was talking about shipping as in fan speak? Maybe her favorite couple broke up?

The girl must sees the confusion on Caroline's face because she decides to clarify.

"Say that again?" Caroline asks because what even is her life.

"My space ship." The girl doesn't even snicker.

"What, like an alien ship?" She asks dubiously . " Are you and alien then?"

"Not an alien ship, my ship. But its all ruined now. I came here to look for something to fix it with but then the singing started and I've been trying to find out where it's coming from." The girl frowns at her. "Well I suppose I am. I'm a clone really. A clone bred to be a soldier. There was a war and everything."

The girl stops, listening to something before she makes a mad dash towards the larger ruins.

Caroline easily runs after her while her brain filters through the information. Supernatural she can handle no problem but aliens? Really?

"You don't look like an alien." She can't believe she just said. " I can hear your two heart beats but besides that you look pretty human to me, and what's with this singing you're talking about. I don't hear anything. "

" I have it in good authority that Gallifreyans came before humans so really you look like us." The girl doesn't even pant. " and It's not the kind of singing you hear with your ears. Its kind of a 'just in your head' thing. " she taps her temple for emphasis.

What the heck was a Gallifawhatsit .That settles it then. This girl was crazy and delusional. There was no way any of the things she said were true. Caroline should just leave to do whatever she needed to do.

But what if she gets hurt? They're in the middle of nowhere and she's not about to let an innocent person get hurt no matter how crazy. Ugh. Why did she have to be so nice.

Well, she's dealt with crazier things she supposes. She's always been a sucker for strays.

They approach one of the larger buildings that remain intact. A mansion that was probably beautiful before the village was left for good. The girl stared at it curiously. If she was going to get this girl home she might as well introduce herself. She didn't want to keep calling her 'the girl' in her head either.

"I'm Caroline by the way." She says and how is it that Miss Mystic Falls took this long to introduce herself. Going on the run changes you.

"I'm Jenny. Does that mean you'll help me look for the singing?"

Jenny looks at her wide eyed and she changed her mind this girl was probably younger than her, she had the innocent yet mischievous look of a toddler.

"I'm gonna make sure you stay out of trouble." She smiles at her, lucky Jenny just got herself a vampire slash babysitter for today.

Jenny smirks " Good luck with that, trouble finds me an awful lot. It must have a thing for me really."

Caroline tries not to think of handsome original hybrids, she really does. Instead she opens the mansion's door. Its a beautiful thing despite the deterioration. Old and hand carved. Lighter than it looks too because she manages to lift it in the air with minimal vamp effort.

Jenny let's out a whistle. "You're pretty strong."

Caroline shrugs. " I work out a lot."

The inside of the building is in the same state. Old but beautiful. Also dark. There's barely any light and all the windows are covered with planks of wood. She could take her daylight ring off and walk around just fine.

"Watch your step." She says when she sees all the broken glass and other indiscernible sharp objects on the floor.

"I can see just fine." Jenny says and she peers down at the objects on the floor. " The singing is much stronger here though."

Right. Alien vision.

Jenny lifts something up and Caroline doesn't even have the time to question her statement because it her hand is a pitch black scale. A pitch black scale that was as big as her hand.

"What the hell."

Caroline peers at the floor again and under a layer of dust she can discern a number of scales on the floor and today was just getting weirder and weirder wasn't it.

"That's gotta be one big lizard." She hopes it's a lizard.

"What's a lizard?" Jenny asks in confusion and Caroline thinks she's joking until she sees the genuine confusion on her face.

"It's an animal. Smallish reptiles that climb on walls that eat bugs?" She didn't pay much attention during biology but really how else was she supposed to describe them. "There's probably hundreds of them here I'll point them out when I see one."

"This scale doesn't look smallish at all." Jenny says dubiously.

"Maybe it's a dragon?" Jenny looks at her with an eyebrow raised, and Caroline shrugs "Bigger lizard. With wings and breathes fire. Has an unfortunate habit of stealing princesses."

Jenny scrunches her face and opens her mouth to protest but she doesn't manage to get a word out. A scream, and it's definitely human, echoes throughout the walls.

"That's probably the princess." Caroline sighs.

"Does that make us the Knights then?" Jenny says as she gets up. " I went to a planet once that was filled with books. They had some folklore books from earth."

" Yet they couldn't be bothered to have anything about lizards?" Caroline snorts as both of them run towards the sound of the scream, and yeah it felt a little badass to think of herself as a knight.


	2. Chapter 2

What they find when they reach the source of the screaming is unfortunately not a dragon.

That kinda sucked,She sorta warmed up to the idea of being a knight.

Instead, in the middle of what must be an old ballroom is a giant bat. If bats were six feet tall and covered in scales.

The thing was currently in the process of covering an unfortunate human in some sort of spider like silk…from its mouth. Disgusting.

"Gross" Jenny wrinkles her nose. That doesn't look like a pleasant experience.

Caroline and Jenny move in sync when Spider Bat turns its head towards them.

"I think we interrupted meal time" Jenny notes with amusement. "How do you feel about punching things you don't agree with?"

"In this situation?" She wasn't usually one to use her fists instead of words first but evil bat spiders wasn't exactly the usual. " I'd say we're gonna need a lot more than punching."

"You going to be alright though?" Jenny asks her, not moving from her fighting stance. " You don't need to get involved if you don't want to."

How sweet, but she was involved as soon as she decided to play vampire baby sitter.

The thing growls and shows off its very large teeth, well Caroline has fangs of her own. She lets her vamp face show, feeling her fangs pierce through.

Jenny lets out a small yelp beside her. "That is absolutely brilliant!"

That's a first, Caroline supposes. In their extremely short acquaintance Jenny did say she was alien. Of course her vampire face would amuse her.

Both girls dive to the opposite sides when the creature dives at them. Scaly leather wings with very point claws waving about.

Caroline vamp speeds to where the thing's victims are cocooned. There are four of the nasty cocoon things, three on the floor and a big box shaped one near a wall. She easily tears through the concrete like substance while Jenny jumps onto Spider Bat's back.

The girl looks like she's having a blast so Caroline leaves her to it. She'll help out once she gets these people safe.

The first one she opens contains an old woman who is gasping for breath and holds onto her as she pulls her out.

"Easy there!" Caroline steadies her and sets her down.

The woman doesn't speak, too busy catching her breath but she does pat Caroline's shoulder before motion to the other cocoons.

She liberates the other two, a younger girl and boy, while Jenny tries to rodeo Spider Bat into submission.

The fourth and largest one she opens turns out to be one of those old fashioned wardrobes. Weird, but honestly not the weirdest thing she's seen all day.

"If you're finished over there!" Jenny yells at her " I could use a hand." Jumping on this thing's back wasn't her finest idea but really what could she do.

Before Caroline can move to smash its face, the older lady stops her.

"Please! Let me handle this. That beast is a product of dark magic, and magic should be the one to end it."

Okay, that was some weird logic but ok.

"Distract it!" The older woman says before taking the hands of the younger girl and boy. They close their eyes and start chanting and of course this was a witchy matter.

"Already doing that!" Jenny yells, she's moved from Spider Bat's back and is currently holding the thing's jaws shut.

She's pretty strong for such a person of her size, then again so was she. Caroline vamp speeds over and pins the thing down to the floor.

"Whoa!" Jenny looks at her in admiration "Teach me how to do that?"

"Sorry" Caroline wrinkles her nose at her "Only one way to learn that and it isn't fun."

While she enjoys her vamp strength she didn't really plan on making vamp babies of her own thank you very much. She doesn't plan on being a teen vamp mom.

The chanting gets louder while the thing struggles harder against them. One of its claws cuts Jenny in the face, Caroline hears a sharp intake of breath but nothing else from the other girl.

After a few more minutes pass the beast starts to shrink beneath them. Jenny and Caroline let go and watch in a mix of interest and revulsion. The chanting grows louder around the three as Jenny stares at them.

Spider Bat shrieks out and writhes as it shrinks, its nasty scales falling out. Soon the shrieking and chanting match in volume and with one final cry the thing actually dissolves.

"Alright." Jenny stares at the pile of scaly goop on the floor. "That was weird."

Caroline almost forgot witchery wasn't exactly normal to most people.


	3. Chapter 3

She makes sure the three witches are safe, they go off to do magic witchy things, but not without cheesy words of witchly wisdom of course.

Witches always did like knowing more than everyone else.

"We thank you for saving us," the older witch told her with that other worldly voice that witches should probably trademark by now " What fate has dealt you is both a curse and a gift, use it to its full potential. "

And then they walked off like they didn't just get saved by two teenage girls before melting a giant were bat monster with some spell.

Ok.

"Caroline!" Jenny calls her from the back of the room "come over here!"

Caroline, who isn't trying to hide her vamp speed anymore because dude they totally trashed that monster, vamps speeds over to where jenny is proudly standing next to a wardrobe.

"Okay, you found Narnia."

"I found a what?" Jenny looks at her wide eyed in confusion.

"Nevermind ," Caroline fights the urge to rub her temples. This is the most action (and confusion) she has seen in months. " I'm guessing you aren't planning on getting me to help you with a total wardrobe revamp?"

Jenny looks at her like she's the crazy one. "No, I found where the singing is coming from!" She present the wardrobe again, this time with her arms wide.


End file.
